Coach Kenji

Fullfillment: work & play

A full life: an episode of Entourage, 2 hours with a cranky computer client, coaching someone, dinner at Cafe Flor while reading the New Yorker, a blog entry to you, a chat with my 85 year old dad, and something totally out of the ordinary: a cocktail and taking to cute guys at a bar. Holy cow! And now I get to go take a scalding hot shower and climb into a comfy bed? I am SO grateful for the people, food, clients, random cute guys, and home I am blessed with.

"What brings fulfillment is gratefulness, the simple response of our heart to this life in all its fullness."  ~David Steindl-Rast from Gratefulness, the Heart of Prayer

Self-Gratification or Service?

My sometimes narcissistic "Whose Paying Attention To Me" one act, one may play is about as uplifting as "Whose Afraid of Virgina Wolf" but not as well written. Someone seemingly isn't paying attention to me, and I run off on a wild fantasy on how I'm not important. Tedious at best. Boring too. Then that St. Francis prayer acts itself out without even trying,  "...  where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon: where there is doubt, faith ..." and my day take a 180 degree turn. Today it was a coaching client who, on their very own, lit up with an awesome self-realization. I get to do this for work? (and I feel less tired after the call?). Go figure: when it's not about me it so much more uplifting.

"Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." - Helen Keller

Rain & Loss: a recipe for cultivating gratitude

Today as it rained I let it splash on my face ... and it made me giggle. It's an interesting experiment to use loss as a measure of how overflowing my cup is. Screw "half full" vs. "half empty" my cup overfloweth like a tsunami. Here's my recipe for cultivating gratitude when it rains: When my mom was alive and I'd be having a shitty day I'd remember that she was having a shittier day. Mom was bedridden for the last 20 years of her life, and my worst days we're probably her best. When I felt like crap I'd call her up, not to unload, but to tell her I loved her, and see if I couldn't bring some light into her otherwise chronically ill life. When it rains I let it splash on my face ... because I can ... and because my mom, bless her, couldn't do this for the last 20 years of her life. I feel grateful that I get to do this simple, joyful thing ... life is full of blessings, we've just not been taught how to look for them.

"For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is to let it rain." ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The daily grace of priceless gifts

Today was simple: work, eat, rest. Sharing a meal with my chorus brothers (a meal, just a meal) felt like home, where "no one can put you out" (Robert Frost). Earlier today the phone rang and it was my older brother. Speaking with him, about our unremarkable lives, was an exquisite gift that I don't take for granted. For decades Jon and I spoke, at best, a few times a year. Now, almost every other week, we catch up, compare notes, and "look forward" to speaking with one another. He's 3,000 miles away, so I'll take what I can get. I am loved and I am blessed. I love you Jon, more than life itself.

"Grant me daily the grace of gratitude, to be thankful for all my many gifts, and so be freed from artificial needs, that I might lead a joyful, simple life." - Edward Hays in A Book of Wonders

Envy: the carrot of malnourishment

I live in a city of gorgeous men. Like the flowers in my neighborhood I look at them with admiration ... but sometimes that admiration turns into envy and I want what they have ... but a diet of envy feels like dining on TV dinners, tasty (easy too), but that's my nourishment? Envy is like Gollum with The Ring: an insatiable thirst impossible to quench ... the problem isn't the thing itself ... it's in the wanting.*

"Riding sidesaddle with envy is a dangerous practice: I would be happy if I had what he or she possesses. By contrast, giving thanks constantly and in all circumstances liberates us from envy." - Edward Hays from The Great Escape Manual

* These are Buddhist teachings I'm regurgitating, I take no credit for thinking them up!

What's enough?

Ed and I had dinner at a cozy little place in the Castro. Friendly service and unadorned food. Meet, chat, eat ... simple. I'd said, earlier in the week, "Let's eat somewhere else for a change ... and maybe see a movie too." As if Friday Night needed to have an extra helping of ice cream on top to make it feel more fulfilling. I was "wanting" and it's reminding me of the teaching that "never enough" causes suffering (Dukkha). Even walking up the street I noticed in my pace the desire to get there faster, but what would that bring that walking slowly up Castro Street with a great friend doesn't already have? Being in this moment with my clean sheets, sleepy eyes, and ending a busy week by breaking bread with a sweet friend ... I'm stinking rich. How much is 'enough' in your life today?

"Wealth consists not in having great possessions but in having few wants." - Esther De Wall

Unknown Blesslings: Manifest

Emily Dickensen said that "hope is that thing with feathers." So, what is hope? Believing in? And as far as the manifestation thing goes, quantum physics has weighed in on that one (see What The Bleep Do We Know). For me it's an interesting let-go-trust game. I drive everywhere, out of necessity, and when I ask for, let go, and believe in ... yes ... parking ... it shows up. When I've really let go of the parking outcome, and have just pulled over, I can't tell you how many times the car next to me has to ask me to move so they can pull out. I made a vision board 3 years ago of an apartment I'd like to live in, but it wasn't until this last search when I finally let go, believed, and allowed compromise did I end up moving into the apartment that's on that board. I didn't believe it when I made it, but years later when I did .... "poof!"  What are you believing in today?

"Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way." - Native American Prayer

Albert Einstein: Miracles

I am lying in bed as I write this, having just finished coaching a few clients I'm thinking about how all ten of my fingers work perfectly: I think, they move. The ability for me to swing my legs over the side of the bed, stand up, and walk to the kitchen to make dinner .... will be a miracle. When I start counting the things in life that are miracles ... it's like counting grains of sand at the beach.

"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." - Albert Enstein

A Spiritual Practice: everyday objects

When I step into the shower at night I feel sooo lucky to turn on a steaming stream of hot water to wash the day away. What would it be like to not have that? Water is always saintly.

"We have a spiritual practice of thinking of a fire hydrant as a saint - it's standing there waiting to be of service. It's a way to start reframing our relation to all the everyday things around us."  - Frederic Brussat from 100 Ways to Keep Your Soul Alive